getting my joy back + energy restored (Korea diaries)

Has anybody else felt like they’ve been in a slump for the past few years? Like you’ve had no energy to do anything but doom scroll and the things that once brought you joy make you tired just thinking about them?

Honestly, I was there. I was in that place, on and off for years. In my last post, I shared the main reason for my trip to Korea wasn’t to go sightseeing, immerse myself in culture or find a boyfriend (still sad about this one hehe), but actually just … rest. Yes, rest.

God brought me here to rest. To restore my soul and renew my energy after what had been an incredibly taxing few years. My emotional cup was dry. I was burnt out creatively. And the things that brought me joy – like traveling – weren’t lighting me up in the same way anymore.

So after the first three months running around Korea and basically avoiding my emotions, I finally got so exhausted to the point where I had to stop moving.

And once I came to a place of stillness, I was able to admit just how tired I was. Admitting there’s a problem is always the first step toward change.

I was able to face the fact that I was utterly exhausted. I decided to trust God with the process of rest, because my idea of rest by changing locations every 1-2 weeks and staying up until 7am drinking on the weekends wasn’t really making me feel rejuvenated.

So, I got out of Seoul, the city that is so incredible and yet super draining, and I took the KTX (express train) two hours southest, to the city of Daegu.

Daegu is the fourth largest city in Korea, and is over three times the population of Denver, but it still felt smaller, calmer, and quieter compared to Seoul.  

Things were slower paced, there was less to do, people were friendlier. I rented a beautiful officetel apartment on the 14^th floor in a high-rise, where I could see the sun rise and sun set, and watch the sky.

Coming to Daegu and taking some time off of work were the best decisions I could’ve made for myself.

Being in this “smaller” city allowed me to breathe again. There was so much more blue sky here, the river was a five-minute walk away, and the city was surrounded by mountains – much more nature involved, which is what my soul needed.

I was able to slow down, to relax, and get into a routine that proved restful while also being productive. I stopped putting so much pressure on myself to explore every inch of Daegu and “take advantage of being here,” as is the typical traveler’s mantra.

Once I took the pressure off of myself to constantly be doing something, once I prioritized time with God and myself, I was able to truly rest. It’s kind of crazy how simple it was, and yet I started noticing massive shifts in my mood, mindset, and energy levels only a couple of weeks in.

So, here’s how I actually got my joy back and my energy restored after years of feeling generally exhausted and depressed.

Step One: I took care of myself + regulated my nervous system

I started this time of rest by going back to the basics. These are all the basics when it comes to self-care and nervous system regulation.

These are so baseline at this point, but they’re also the first things I go to when I’m struggling mentally, when I’m feeling super overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, or disconnected.

• I watched sunrise and sunset every day that I possibly could. This is called sun-cycling and it regulates your hormones, helping with sleep and energy.
• I prioritized getting good sleep, exercise, and eating well. I didn’t go out late or drink for the entire month of January.
• I deleted all social media and streaming apps off my phone – no more mindless scrolling and overconsumption. It’s soooo dysregulating to your nervous system
• I self-isolated but also made time throughout the week to connect with friends and family. I didn’t go out and try to make friends, but I did spend time on zoom with my community back home.

Step two: I let the f*ck go of rigidity + created a morning routine that’s actually sustainable and in alignment with my femininity

I started this time of rest by creating a morning routine that was based on my capacity at that time, not where I wanted to be. In the past, I’ve been sooooo incredibly rigid and hard on myself because I’ve felt that structure is the only way I can achieve my goals or get anything done.

This has never worked for me long-term. I can go along with a very strict schedule for a while, before some sort of interruption occurs, like getting sick or traveling, and then I completely fall off of it.

This idea that we have to be super rigid and do the exact same thing day in and day out, focusing on the goal and doing everything to achieve it is a very masculine mindset, and while it’s neither good nor bad, it’s not sustainable for anyone long-term, especially women. Women are cyclical in nature, meaning there are seasons and different times throughout the month to be operating in certain rhythms.

I decided to embrace this mindset, and I let go of trying to achieve this crazy morning routine by adding everything at once. I also let go of what I hoped to achieve by having a morning routine. I allowed for flexibility, for exploration, and play. I took the f*cking pressure off myself, because this practice was supposed to be supportive, not taxing on my energy.

I know, this is basic “how to take care of yourself” stuff, but sometimes these routines slip as we encounter life changes. Sometimes we (and by we, I mean me) forget about how grounding morning and evening routines can be.

This is where I’ve started pretty much every time I’ve been struggling mentally. I would say, if you’re a night owl, then focus on prioritizing your evening routine. Because I’m a morning person, I feel so much better when I start the day off tending to my body, my mind, my soul.

So, how did I put together my magical morning routine?

I wrote down a list of things that would make up my ideal morning routine and split them into two categories: Movement and Mind/Spirit.

Then I started with three things from my Movement list and did them daily. I also started with one thing for Mind/Spirit and did that daily.

Then as the days progressed, I added one thing to each list. I made adjustments as needed.

For example, I found that I didn’t seem to have enough time in the morning for Korean language practice, so I tried to fit it in the evenings, but found I was too tired to do it then.

So ya know what I did after that? I stopped trying to practice Korean every day! I didn’t shame myself for not having the capacity to do all the things. I just stopped trying, and I found that I was able to still practice every couple of days instead.

Having this routine helped me feel a sense of productivity which led me to the next step.

Step three: I explored and played with my creativity

Once I started gaining momentum with my morning routine and established a sense of productivity, I found myself wanting to create again.

This was very exciting, because as someone who creates constantly as her line of work, I was feeling sooo burnt out for a while.

Taking a break from creating and thinking about anything creative for a while was the best thing I could do for myself. I’m so incredibly grateful to have my own business and be able to make these decisions like taking time off work, and I hope that you can too.

When it comes to creating, there’s a different kind of energy you draw from – compared to doing other types of work that activate different parts of the brain – and if you’re burnt out, that creative well is as dryyyyy as the desert.

I was so pleased to feel that desire to create come back to me again. So taking what I learned in step one, of letting go of that ridigity, I didn’t place any expectations on myself. I approached my creative projects in a completely different way than I have in the past and the results?

Well, you’re reading one of them. 😊

I was able to explore my different projects that had fallen to the wayside due to work in almost a child-like way.

I stopped thinking about what I would gain from these projects and focused on what I wanted to release.

I took the pressure off myself to perform or create in a certain way that an audience would be receptive to, and decided to be myself and express what was coming up naturally.

I also very intentionally stopped thinking about the future and how these creative projects would impact me (I’ve gotten very attached to certain creative projects resulting in monetary success), and instead just created for the sake of creating.

I focused on the sensations that the processes of creating were bringing up, not what it could potentially bring me once it was fully finished and released to the world.

I found myself drawn to writing again. Writing has always been my favorite way to create. I started working on one of (many) book ideas I’ve had. I started blogging again. I also played around with photos, graphic design, and social media. And I paid attention to how each venture made me feel.

I noticed that writing was bringing me joy, while posting my travel photos every day on Instagram was the most unfulfilling and biggest waste of time (sorry! 😊 you’ll still get to see the travel content, just in different ways and not as often).

I leaned into the spaces that were bringing me joy. I overcame writer’s block after what had been again, literal years of feeling stuck. I started journaling again and spending more time with myself again. And when it came to blogging, well, I hope you can see a difference in my writing compared to a year ago. Not in my skillset, but how I’m showing up here in this space.

But what if you’re not creative?

While many people would argue that they aren’t creative, I encourage you to explore this area. A lot of people who claim they aren’t creative at all, are actually quite crafty. I am not a crafty girl. But I’m sure there’s a large percentage of you reading this who can think of one craft that you either love, or have been wanting to try.

Jewelry making, pottery, woodwork, cooking/baking, carpentry/building projects – those are a few that immediately come to mind for me and that aren’t necessarily gender-based. (I feel like many men tend to think they’re not creative or crafty, which is so untrue!) They are also all forms of creating.

Igniting the creativity within yourself can get your mind out of dark places, because it brings a sense of release while also being productive.

Step four: I started spending time with myself again + shadow work

Once I grounded myself in a morning routine, and started feeling the joy come creeping back inf from creating freely again, I realized that I wanted to prioritize spending time with myself again.

Now, if you’ve read any of my faith-based blog posts, you know that I’m a huge fan of personal development. I’ve been on a healing journey for years and have always had the goal of becoming the best version of myself.

Some people hate this shit. I get it. It’s terrifying to face the parts of yourself you don’t like; it takes hard work and energy to heal and love and accept yourself, and let go of things like trauma and unhealthy habits.

Personal development is work, and it’s something I had no time or capacity for in the last year. It’s also something that keeps me grounded and when I stop spending time with myself, I start to feel lost. This of course impacts my mood, and I feel worse, but when I had no energy to do it, it made me feel even worse, and well, so the cycle continued.

But as my energy started coming back to me and I started feeling like myself again, I realized how much I missed sitting with myself, and how disconnected I’d felt from myself for a long time.

I embarked on the journey of shadow work.

If you don’t know what shadow work is, it’s the practice of exploring your “shadows,” the traits and characteristics that you don’t necessarily like, and might even deem as “wrong,” or “bad.” Asking yourself questions and journaling comprising most of this work, where you discover the hidden strengths and unmet needs of these shadows, and then learn how to integrate them with your conscious self.

There are tons of YouTube videos and information on shadow work, and I’ll probably write an entire post on this, but the whole goal of shadow work is to integrate all parts of yourself so you become whole.

Instead of working on myself, I was working with myself. I wasn’t “fixing” or “healing” myself. I certainly wasn’t dying to myself, suppressing my emotions, getting angry with myself, or cutting off parts of myself – all very much church dialogue that has proven harmful to my self-image over the years.

I approached this inner-work from a place of love, acceptance, and wanting to better understand myself, and found that my mental health improved drastically, even compared to times of doing therapy and more traditional self-help work.

Step Five: I prioritized time with God

Ya’ll already know how much I love Jesus, but truthfully, my faith has been tested heavily in the past couple of years and I found myself drifting from God.

I’ll be completely transparent and say that this wasn’t my first step when I started my time of rest, but when I started writing this post, I wanted to put it first, because that was the “right thing to do.”

But it’s more important that I share the truth. I didn’t really feel like spending time with God, and it was only when I started doing all the other things, when my nervous system became more regulated, that I wanted to spend more time with the Lord again.

My faith has felt very dry in recent years, and I’ve struggled to connect with God in the same ways as before, so when I added this step into my routine, I approached it differently as well.

I became more open to communicating with God in different ways, and again, took the pressure off myself to seek him in the ways that had once worked for me, because some of them clearly weren’t working anymore.

I found that when I combined shadow work and time with God, I was able to discern that certain parts of myself were resentful towards him or resisting him altogether.

I embarked on the curious journey of introducing parts of myself to Jesus and experiencing his love in a way that felt like the first time all over again.

As the days went on, I started feeling the Lord’s presence like I used to, and it brought even more joy and energy back. I found myself wanting to spend time with him again, and the more time I spent with him, the better I felt!

Whether you’ve never spent time with God, or you’re also in a dry season in your faith, I encourage you to seek him, to be honest with him, and be open to his presence.

God is the true source of love, light, and power, and he alone can make changes in your life, your heart, and your soul, big and small.

I stayed consistent with these practices for a month, and I started to feel better. I started getting my energy back and my joy for life came back.

I know I’m speaking from a place of privilege as I share my experience. I was able to take time off work. Some people can’t. But truthfully, I wasn’t in a super stable place financially when I made that decision. I just decided that choosing myself over making money was more important, even if I ended up being stressed out about money later.

The thing is, because I was able to get the rest I needed, I feel so much better. I’m in debt right now, but I’m not worried about it, because I now not only have the capacity to go all in on my business again, I also get to create for myself, and even have been toying with the idea of starting a second stream of income.

My joy is back. I wake up each day excited to work on all the things God has called me to do. I see my situation from a place of abundance, not lack. I chose to consume media that is positive and supportive, not fear-mongering negative energy.

I trust that God is protecting me and providing for me, and I’m already excited to share more of my story in the future as he continues to bless me in big ways.