How to Use Logic When You’re Driven by Your Heart

Can I be honest here? I’ve never been a very logical person.

My emotions have always run deep, like a well, and the water I draw from the well is the energy that drives my decisions.

I’m very attuned to how I feel, and I act based on those feelings.

My emotions drive my reactions, decisions, and actions in most of my life, ranging from the minute decisions like what to eat for breakfast, to the massive, such as taking a new job or moving to a new city.

And in a world that’s currently advocating for identifying your feelings, and speaking your truth, I know I’m not alone in this way of thinking and living my life.

For a long time, I thought the aforementioned concept meant to allow my feelings guide my decisions, but the more inner work I do, I realize that’s not true.  

It’s one thing to identify your emotions, to process them, and let them go, and quite another to act upon them without thinking them through.

My pastor said this once and it really stuck with me: My feelings are valid, but they are not reality.

I have every right to feel the emotions I’m feeling, but that doesn’t mean my feelings get to shape my perception of reality. Why? Because feelings are fleeting. They change, constantly and swiftly.

What I feel one day that leads me to make a decision, can change the next day, giving me a different perspective on the situation. I could have chosen differently had I just paused and thought about it logically.

What doesn’t change though, is Jesus. He is infinite and he is constant.

Logic comes from being rooted in Christ.

The less I give in to my emotions and give them to God, the more I’m able to see things for what they really are. I’m able to process my emotions in a healthy way and talk through them with God. And when he shows me where they are coming from and why I feel the way that I do, I can set them free. They no longer consume me or control me.

Because Jesus’ love is greater than my emotions. He can bring me through whatever it is I’m facing. And when I process them with him, I draw closer to him. My faith grows and my trust in him increases.

I’m in a season of healing, and I’m learning that sometimes – okay, a lot of times – it’s actually more loving and kind to myself to be logical. To think things through. To not quickly act out of anger, love, fear, desire, or whatever emotion may be overriding reason.

A big download I’ve been receiving from God recently is to guard my heart. I know this specifically relates to dating and relationships, but this can be applied to any situation in life.

At first, I didn’t understand what it meant or how to go about it. The concept of being guarded is foreign to me.

But over time, I realized that letting Holy Spirit guide me with the gift of logic is the foundation.

I’ve always been open-hearted. I’ve been told I have a big heart, sometimes too big, because I give people a million chances. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I’ve been hurt; I naively believe that people will always act from a place of goodness and kindness.

I’m starting to think that I have a spiritual talent for seeing the best in people, the true goodness of their soul, a part of people that they often can’t see themselves.

I see the side of people that is worth fighting for when everyone else has cast them off. I have a sweet spot for those who have been rejected, for those who are misunderstood.

This has been the case in more than one relationship, and I tried to draw that part out of the person – because I thought they were worthy of being the person I thought they could be – but it always backfired.

Who knows, maybe I don’t have a special power, maybe I just live with rose-colored glasses on, seeing what I want to see.

I’m getting sidetracked here, but what I’m saying is that I live with my heart on my sleeve, my emotions bleeding out for all to see. But emotions are transitory. And when the blood has dried, all I’m left with is a giant mess to clean up, and no matter how hard I scrub, the stains don’t come out.

For most of my life I’ve been controlled by my feelings and my big heart has been pulverized because of it. It’s almost like my heart is fighting itself.

Especially when it comes to relationships.

I love him so much I’ll do anything to make this work.

He’s kind of an asshole, but he’s just so attractive and I desire physical connection, so I’ll just accept being mistreated to get what I want.  

We connect on such a deep level spiritually, but there are some red flags here. I know I should leave before I develop too strong of feelings, because the longer this goes on the harder and messier it will be to end it. But this experience feels so good. I don’t want it to end. I don’t want to feel sad when it does.

All of those are actual thoughts that have flitted through my head at one point. And because I acted on what I was feeling instead of thinking about each situation logically, I brought more pain and struggle onto myself.

While I don’t regret any decision I’ve made from my emotions, God is showing me there’s a better way.

Acknowledging my feelings and allowing myself to really feel them is actually much harder than just acting upon them.

Oftentimes I acted quickly on my feelings simply because I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling anymore. Or because I was so dissatisfied and wanted to feel something else.

But to sit with my feelings and be still, to give them time and space within myself, to let them flow through me and understand why they’re present takes courage.

It can feel overwhelming to label the emotions, identify the underlying cause of them, and then let them flow and go. The process of processing will look different for everyone and for every emotion.

Journaling, talk-therapy, prayer are all common ways I process my emotions, but sometimes getting a good workout in, going for a walk, or doing breathwork exerts the emotions also.

Emotions are neither good nor bad. They are signals from our subconscious in reaction to the world around us. They shouldn’t be ignored or suppressed, but neither should they be the sole factor in acting and decision making.

Once I process my emotions, I can think about whatever I’m going through with a clear mind. I ask Holy Spirit for help, and he gives me logic to determine which course of action will not only lead to the desired outcome, but what is best for me.

Because what I want and what I need are often two different things. And my wants often manifest as emotions and feelings. And when I act on my feelings… well, you know what happens.  

So it’s a balance. It’s not about ignoring or suppressing your feelings or beating yourself up for feeling what you’re feeling. It’s not only about acting in logic and never giving space for your emotions.

Giving my emotions space and time to be processed but thinking and acting logically is that balance.

As I’ve started to achieve that balance, I’m understanding the download. I guard my heart by using logic. When my emotions arise, I allow them to wash over me like a bucket full of water, but I don’t spiral down into the well. I feel what I need to feel, and then move on to looking at the situation logically.

If you’re a deep soul, big hearted person like me, then you’ll know that this balance can be hard to achieve or even understand. When your feelings are so big, so powerful, how do you use your brain to think logically?

Logic, I’m learning, is just another form of self-love. Logic is how to guard the heart.

My mom put it this way, which I think is so good:

Logic is being kind to your future self.

Logic looks like this: “Hey self, I love you so much. I know I’m feeling all the feels right now, and it’s really overwhelming. I know I want “X” and I want to take this path based off of how I’m feeling, but let’s look at the outcome for a second. What are the possibilities of me getting hurt? What are the chances of me actually getting what I want? I know I’m feeling some type of way, so I’ll sit with those feelings for a minute and then let them go… Whew, that was intense, but I’m glad I didn’t act on those emotions. Let’s determine what I really need now… okay yeah, that’s what I thought. What I need and what I want are two different things. Let’s look at another path I could take… Now I know this will hurt at first, but over time look at where I could be. I’ll be getting what we need. So out of my love for you, self, I’m going about this logically. I’m doing this to be kind to myself in the future. I can see it. let’s go for it!”

If you didn’t follow that inner monologue with myself, let me break it down for you with a real-life example.

I’m currently working at a business in my hometown. My hometown is primarily made up of middle/upper class white Republicans who are either in the second half of their life or are young families.

But somehow, in the most unlikely of places, I was found at my workplace and hit on by a guy. An attractive guy. A tall guy, with a sexy foreign accent, and tattooed arms, and a man bun. Did I mention he was tall? And foreign? The devil be tempting me, I swear.

Okay, can I just be really transparent here?

It was realllllly tempting to pursue something with the guy. I wanted to have a physical connection and I knew this person would give me that. But instead, I thought about things logically.

I reminded myself I’m in a season of singleness. By single I mean focusing on my relationship with God, and with myself; I’m not open to dating or having any sort of relationship besides friendships.

God didn’t give me the green light with this guy, and while I felt desire and excitement, I remembered all the times I’d blown past the red light.

The times I ignored God’s guidance and acted out of my emotions, my wants, and my desires, not realizing how harmful those decisions would be.

But this time, I acknowledged how I was feeling.  It was nice to be pursued. I was attracted to the guy. I wanted things to progress. I felt the feelings, let them flow, did some journaling, but I didn’t act on them.

I knew how I would feel if I stepped over the boundary I had set. I would develop feelings for someone that God had no intention of me being with. I would end up disappointed and hurt. The other person’s feelings could also get hurt.

So I set the boundary and friend-zoned him, because I love myself.

My desires are valid, but I want what’s best for myself more. I want to follow God’s guidance, not my fleeting feelings.

I’m being kind to my future self.

Truthfully, this wasn’t easy. Nor did it feel good. But I know it’s for my good.

I’m learning the balance of giving space to both my emotions and logic by trusting Holy Spirit to ultimately guide me.

Are you guided more by your heart or your mind? Let me know in the comments below!