Soul Food: What I Need vs. What I Want

I’m in one of those waves where I want a partner. I’m not lonely, per say, but I’ve been craving a man/relationship.

God’s given me many men on this journey, but not in the way you’re probably thinking. As per usual, God’s been giving me what I need, not what I want and as my travels continue, I’m so grateful for it.

Sure I’ve been wanting that physical connection; not just sex, but someone to hold my hand while driving, someone to throw an arm over my shoulder and pull me close. That sort of intimacy. But what I’ve been needing, what has turned out to be my fuel on this journey, is deep conversation, conscious connection.

God’s been giving me soul food, in the form of men. Another reason I love Jesus?

He’s not just sustaining me, he’s working through me to love on others too.

I’ve been given the opportunity to hold space for people, to listen to their stories, to absorb their energy. And it has been a truly beautiful thing.

I find it soooo interesting though, that all of these people have been men. Men of all ages and backgrounds and beliefs. I’m clearly giving off a certain vibe and God is clearly bringing them to me, but they always open up and get real personal, like, very quickly.

It’s interesting because this has never happened to me before. I’ve never been a girl who has a lot of guy friends. It’s been rare to have a conversation with a guy without noticing some sort of sexual energy being exchanged or projected from one side. As these weeks go on and I meet more men, I realize what’s changed.

Me. Time with Jesus has changed my heart. He’s changed the way I see myself, the way I want others to see me, and the way I see others, men specifically.

I no longer idolize having a relationship, I don’t let my hormones control me and I stand up for myself a helluva lot more than I used to. And it’s because of this inner shift that God has been bringing these guys into my life.

I’m going to start sharing some of the stories of the guys I’ve met, since they’ve continued to move me and sustain me throughout my travels and they are stories that deserve to be told. Hopefully when you read them, they’ll serve as soul food for you too.