Stop Striving, Start Surrendering

I’ve been feeling pretty far from God lately. I’ve been so busy. I recently decided to drive to California in June to volunteer at a music festival and that idea transformed into converting my Jeep into a livable space and wandering free for an undetermined amount of time.

As I’ve dived into planning van life round two, I’ve grown increasingly overwhelmed as I try to balance my time amongst all the other life things. Things are speeding up again after a year of COVID, people are pushing forward, refusing to let the shadows of death, fear and uncertainty that have hung over the last year stop them any longer from living their lives, myself included.

Each day there seems to be more and more on my do-to list with not enough time. It doesn’t help that all things are equally important: working (aka making money for my trip) is important, keeping up with my fitness/physical therapy routine so my injury heals, and I can hike this summer is important, working on the blog is important, things like taxes and creating a thoughtful gift for a friend’s 30^th birthday are important. Add on the time/energy to plan for my trip and it’s no wonder I barely have time to spend with God.

It’s no wonder that I feel more stressed and less satisfied.

I feel tired often, frustrated that I’m not getting everything done and that no matter how much I get done there’s always more to get done and I feel unhappy. Not every day, but many days. I keep thinking, once I’m traveling again I’ll be happy and I can spend more time with God; once I post on Instagram enough and promote my blog, then I’ll be confident in myself and be a knowledgeable Christian who people can turn to for advice; once my injury heals then I can hike and lift again and I’ll fully love my body.

Talking with my friend Kaley last night, we both realized that we have been doing this thing of believing that when we get to a certain point, we’ll be happy, content, fill in the blank. We are constantly striving for more, telling ourselves we can do better and that when we do then our feelings will change.

As we were discussing this, Holy Spirit was having fun being a pinball between us, stirring up the truth and speaking it over one another.

He told us this: stop striving, start surrendering.  

By constantly striving for more, by trying so hard, we are missing the blessings that are currently in front of us. No matter how much we get done, there’s always going to be more to do. Basing happiness on accomplishments and success won’t ever satisfy.

I’ve been so guilty of this lately. I keep thinking that if I just get this project done or knock out this whole to-do list, then I’ll be relieved, then I’ll be able to breathe again, then I can focus more on Jesus.

But it doesn’t work that way. I don’t feel relief or satisfaction as much as I feel stress. Stress has some truly awful sister feelings that are always with her: negativity, anxiety, anger. The more stressed I get the more I focus on what I’m lacking, on the things that suck; I completely miss the good of this season.

But I recognize these feelings and when I think about everyone in the world who is suffering far more than me, I beat myself for being so ungrateful. Then I’m spiraling so deep I feel like I’m failing at everything I’m attempting to do. I end up stressing myself out to the point where I can’t sleep and my face breaks out; I completely exhaust myself and shut down, and since I’m a failure anyway, I tell myself I might as well just give up. And so, I usually opt to spend half the day reading a book, exercising my increasingly powerful skills of procrastination and ignorance. When I feel ready to try again, I end back where I started, and the cycle just repeats itself.

The goal of happiness certainly isn’t being met. Does any of this sound familiar?

It’s so easy to take off running, striving in life, working hard for what I want. But by doing this, I end up so far from God. And the farther I am from God, the easier it is for evil spirits like fear, anxiety, and depression to slip in. The lies of the enemy keep me going at this frantic pace.

I’ll only be happy when… I’m not doing enough so I need to do more… all of this my friends, is bullshit.

Stop striving, start surrendering.

God wants to spend every moment with us and if we let him, he will. By coming to a stop amidst my busy life, by literally pausing when stress threatens to crush me like a wave, I can surrender to God and rest in him.

For star strivers like me, this is a lot more difficult than it sounds. Everything must get done today… is another lie, but one that keeps me from slowing down and carving out time for the Creator. But when I actually do just stop, when I’m able to just be still and commune with the Lord, all of those negative feels disappear.

Whether it’s taking a walk outside and enjoying the beauty of God’s creation, reading the Bible, or praying as tears of frustration fall, I always feel the same: peace. By surrendering, God fills my soul with peace, with joy, with understanding.

“Be still, and know that I am God…” – Psalm 46:10 ESV

I can continue on with my day knowing the truth: I am doing everything that I can, not everything needs to get done in one day, there will be enough time to get the all things done. By including God in every aspect of my day, I actually get through obstacles with ease and end up being more productive. I also can see the beauty of my current season, constantly singing praise and gratitude to God for blessing me with abundance.

By surrendering, I give up trying to do it all on my own and let God guide me. By surrendering, I learn how to be happy in the present moment. It’s not when I do the most or meet my goals that I’m happiest, it’s when I’m with God.

True happiness, true content, true peace; that all comes from Jesus.

So the next time you’re overwhelmed, stressed or just having a shitty day, pause and take a deep breath. God is waiting for you.

Stop striving, start surrendering.